“You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray.
You’ll never know dear, how much I love you.
Please don’t take my sunshine away!”
***
My son and I sang this song together during his bedtime ritual. And then I saw myself crying non-stop. He was welling up as well and told me not to cry anymore… and I cried a lot more.
I wonder when do we cross that line of “honeymooning” with our children and animosity. It was painful to recall how many times I’ve had those “cold” moments with my parents. I felt I knew a lot more to be told what to do. I didn’t care any less with what they had to say. I was bold and powerful enough to be on my own, I just couldn’t wait to leave the house. I have become arrogant to be proud of them. I wonder where did the time go? I used to be Mama’s girl. I used to be Papa’s girl.
Having my very own son made me think that at some point my parents were oh so happy to cuddle with me. Or were they even like that? I am their first born, I must have been showered by lots of affection. But how come I couldn’t remember any of those? I resent the fact that during my christening my mother was not there because she had to prepare for the celebration afterwards. I recalled being driven away when I just wanted to hug. Everything became a blur with four sibs who came two years apart at least. I became a mini adult because of my birth rank.
Although some were bitter and odd, I really think I’ve had a wonderful childhood. The drama came when I was already in college (my younger sibs have been scarred the most, I hope not). And because of this I’ve toughen up and couldn’t wait to leave my parent’s nest, if only I could afford my younger sibs with me…
I stare at my son peacefully sleeping… I prayed that I will never grow tired of being affectionate to him. I hope he will always remember the moments of our honeymoon stage, when I am the only queen in his eyes. I pray that he breathes love with me and his Dad. And if ever he will have younger siblings in the future, he will not resent their presence but celebrate it instead.
My sunshine, oh my sunshine…. please don’t take my happiness away…
I still cuddle with my mom. Everyday. Does that make me weird?
of course not dee! i remember doing that before i got married. in fact, i sleep beside her until she got to snore a lot! hahaha!!!
therese, nakahilak ko ani na entry..its somewhat in time of what i feel the last few weeks…im sure Akio will love you forever…=)
sorry if this made you cry. but really, i can’t help but wonder when we stop becoming the daughters our parents adored when we were little?
Akio is one darling boy, T, I’m sure he will use you as a gauge for his future woman.